I blame my mother for my lack of willpower,

because she’s naturally as skinny as an Olsen twin. 

 

She passed on her skinny genes to me, which means that I grew up without the important lessons learned from dieting: delaying gratification, controlling willpower, and the weakness of the human flesh.  I never learned the small tricks that assist the willpower quest; objects out of sight are less tempting, distractions are necessary, pure logic is often futile, outside accountability fails because noone is actually going to try to control you life to an extent that would motivate you.  (ie. your accountability partner probably won’t agree to hit you with a bat if you eat too many cookies on Saturday.  It’s much more likely that he/she will encourage you to “keep at it” and tell you that you can “learn from your failures.”)

And no, I’m not currently trying to diet, though two weeks ago I had the following conversation with my father:

me: “Dad, can you help me find this dress in a small?”

dad: (double takes) “A small?”

me: “Um.  Yes.”

dad: “You’re a small?!”

me: (slightly offended) “Yeah.”

dad: “I mean don’t get me wrong.  But you’re a big girl.”

etc.  My father was, of course, including height into his size calculations (though at 5’8, I’m not exactly a giant).  I tried to explain that sizes had more to do with weight than height, but he persisted in his argument and ended up with this golden line: “If I stood you up in front of a giant group of people, not one of them would call you a small.”

So…27 years of marriage, and he hasn’t learned the one-size-fits-all-women rule that you don’t call a female “fat, large, or big.”  I suppose that’s the second thing I can blame on my skinny mother in this post.

 

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