I am now a bread master,

having baked 25 or so loafs since yesterday evening.  Perhaps I should clarify: I didn’t create anything difficult, I simply made a bunch of sweet breads. I’m not exactly sure why we call them breads because they taste like cake.  Maybe it makes us feel better when we’re stuffing them down our throats?  You know what I’m talking about.  Think way back to when you first, hesitantly, tried carrot or zucchini bread.  SWEET.  Right?  They do not taste like vegetables.

Anyways, these breads are really simple and yummy, so I’ve linked them here for you.  Check out the top reviewers for tweaking the recipes.

Cinnamon Bread

Orange Bread

Lemon Bread

Warning: I didn’t follow any of these recipes exactly.  The cinnamon bread I substituted some brown sugar for white (accidentally; don’t ask), and I melted the butter for the topping mix (I don’t recommend).  The orange bread I somehow managed to combine recipes in my head and added milk and vinegar (again, don’t ask).  The lemon bread I didn’t add the glaze and I used salted butter (so reduced the salt called for).  Basically, I screwed them all up, but they still came out well.  Very forgiving recipes.

Conclusion: Without a personality change, I will never become a good cook/baker.  I’m too spastic.  I start the dry ingredients and then decide to work on the wet ones halfway through.  Before finishing those I spot a bowl that I could clean now and save later labor.  And then I’m wiping a table or snacking on something.  I return to the dry ingredients and can’t remember which I’ve put in or if I’ve doubled them all.

Furthermore, I have no attention to detail.  I’m not a person who measures everything by making a smooth top with the back of a knife.  I just throw stuff in.

Future employers: this is only how I act in a kitchen.  The rest of the time, I’m incredibly organized, attentive to details, chronologically sound, and a terrific team player.

**

The highlight of my baking adventures was, of course, listening to Swedish radio during the Swedish Radio Witching hour: around 23.00 or midnight, the radio managers let their DJs get creative with the music.  (We reckon it’s for good behavior).  This means bizarre remixes and fun fun song choices.  Oh, and some Abba.

This morning I heard, in order, “It’s Raining Men” and “Knocking on Heaven’s Door.”  It’s all very confusing.  I would hate to be an alien anthropologist studying humans via Swedish radio.  Especially because half of their commercials are semi-full length songs: not jingles.  When you don’t know the language, this is very confusing, and at one point my sisters and I thought we were familiar with one of the bigger Swedish hits, only to discover it was some sort of phone commercial (SMS in the lyrics should have been a hit.  But really, I’m sure Rebecca Black or Kanye would use that as a lyric).

Here’s a song I heard this morning.  It’s special.

And here’s Josh Groban singing Kanye West’s tweets:

**

WordPress compiles a nice little list of data about my blog viewers.  Due to some rather thoughtless (or genius) wording on my part, “A neked man is bathing” was one of the search terms used to direct a consumer to my site.   Sorry about the letdown, madam (or sir).

**

FML Wednesday:

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to hold hands with plastic “horror hand” I bought for Halloween. FML

Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML

Today, I learned that the building I just moved into contains both a drummer and an opera singer. Both are very dedicated to their craft and practice frequently. FML

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7 thoughts on “I am now a bread master,

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  1. Gosh groban singing kanye west’s tweets made my day. Worrying about how much stupider I am now after READING the lyrics to the bomp song…… Also how many deaf people give a crap about the lyrics to that song? Hahahaha. I was laughing about that the whole time. They specifically mentioned it was subtitled for the hearing impaired. There’s too much “noise nuance” for people who can’t hear. I coined “noise nuance” you can use it though! ;). My ADD is bad in the morning! Miss you!

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  2. ohh and i can totally see you baking those “breads” and doing all the stuff you mentioned…the adding and changing and forgetting how much you put in etc. love it!

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  3. Sometimes I use a knife when measuring flour. But usually I’m pretty haphazard. By the way, my sister has a “Siobhan” friend at Biola. That’s not her name, but she’s got all the same moves (forgetting ID card type moves, not John Travolta type moves).

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