(you know who you are) (hint: you’re reading this), I have a few confessions that I need to make. I have been blogging here for over half a year, and I feel our relationship is ready for some hard truths. So here goes:
1) I don’t like cheescake. I just don’t. I realize that cheesecake is, as my brother says, “cake for people who don’t like cake,” but I just don’t like it. I’ve gotten many blank stares from upset/confused people over the years. And yes, people have tried to fix me. Nothing works.
In my defense, I didn’t like chocolate as a child. I overcame that issue (which was by far the more heinous crime), and I think conquering one popular food avoidance is enough for a lifetime.
2) I have never bonded with a dog. Don’t get me wrong – I love dogs. They’re awesome and cute and fun and I like hanging out with them because they enhance my life. Kind of like a pair of awesome purple socks that I own. But, like the socks, I can live without them. And I’ve never, ever felt that connection that people talk about. I wouldn’t push a button that would kill a random person on another continent in order to save my dog’s life. (Yes, there are people who would do that.) I’ve never felt like a dog was empathizing with me, or understood me when no human could.
Honestly though, I’ve never had a dog as a personal pet (we’ve had them as family pets), and I’ve never watched one grow from a puppy. So I think I could change my attitude if I tried. The thing is, I don’t care enough to try. Why? Because I love cats. Love. Adore a la ancient Egyptians. I don’t want to stoop to a cats vs. dogs post here, so I’m not going to expand on my affections. Let’s just say that when I was eight I wrote a farewell ode to my runaway cat. I’ve never even thought about writing poetry to a canine.
3) I love (love love) the Beatles, but have never understood the lyrics to their hit song “All you need is love.” They don’t make sense.
They basically consist of a list of things you can’t do if they can’t be done:
There’s nothing you can say that can’t be said
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung,
which leads to the chorus: “All you need is love.”
The effect of the setup and resolution (nothing you can do that can’t be done, therefore all you need is love) is jarring. I finally looked it up, and my favorite interpretation is: It doesn’t matter that there’s a bunch of stuff that you can’t do or doesn’t make sense because all you need is…
Some inquantifiable Beatles questions: How many people would be able to hum the first few lines of the French national anthem if it weren’t for this song? How many people will be forever confused as to the correct spelling of the bug “beetle” because of the Beatles?
This makes me laugh: