My boyfriend doesn’t read my blog.

To provide incentive for him to start doing so, I have decided to include him in today’s post.  In my Media Law class, I learned that in order to libel someone, you must use their name, and it must be proved that you had mal intent and are lying.  Alright, so I don’t exactly remember if those are the requirements for libel – which is like slander, but in print (see how much you’re learning) – but to triple indemnify myself, I would like to take this moment to a) not mention his name, b) declare my non malicious intent towards him, and c) let you know that everything I say is completely accurate, or at the very least within the inner circle of hyperbolic humor.

I know what you are thinking right now.  “Wow Siobhan.  I’m excited for whatever it is you’re about to say about this guy who I’ve never met, nor particularly care about.”  I am too.

The other day he, in rookie move, alerted me to the existence of a site called “Things my girlfriend and I have argued about.”  This site is an oldschool (no really, it looks like the websites we used to create in 8th grade computer class) red and blue html affair which is basically a giant list of arguments they have had.  They start simple: “The way one should cut a Kiwi Fruit in half (along its length or across the middle),” but evolve into full block extended paragraph conversations about various disagreements.  The writer, Mil Millington, (shout out to all Swedes named Olaf Olafsson, Sven Svensson, Carl Carlson, etc.), is English and his girlfriend is German.  This makes for some entertaining culture clashes (aside from the typical gender friction).  For example, she enjoys shopping and trying on jeans that she likes.  In the middle of the store.  Nice, right?

Anyways, I thought that an ideal retaliation for his non readership would be creating my own public list of things we have argued about. The purpose of this list is twofold, as not only will it guarantee his readership, it will be awesome to print and frame as a gift during our breakup.  (See point 5 below.)

But before I give you the list, here are some basic facts about us:  He is an electronics studying introvert.  (Literally, his major is electronics.)  I am a sunshine loving extrovert.  (Yes, “electronics studying” is the direct opposite of “sunshine loving.”)  He is Finnish/Swedish.  I am American.  We are both TCKs (grew up outside our native lands).  OK, that’s enough.

Things my boyfriend and I have argued about.  Part 1.

1) Whether to throw away the unopened little ketchup/mustard/condiment packages after eating fast food.  In his world, it’s perfectly fine to toss unused food into the bin.  I would rather leave it on the table or return it.  (Here’s a sort of related link to a site showing pictures of how much food a family eats in one week.  It has families from around the world and how much they spend.)

2) Whether soy packets leftover from Asian restaurant can be taken home and added into a bottle of soy sauce at home.  He operates under the impression that soy sauces are all individually flavored and therefore the addition of one packet to a bottle would ruin the integrity of the sauce.

3) Hair.  I like his shaggy. He prefers a sort of pseudo-bald do that they force on you in the military. I told him I would dye mine a funky color in retaliation, and he made a rule that I wasn’t allowed to dye my hair out of spite.  (Control issues much?)

4) Physical compliments.  I have told him he’s not allowed to use the Goldilocks approach, because he has literally described my appearance as “Just right. Not too hot, not too cold.”  No.

5)  Whether it’s appropriate to bring up our eventual breakup all the time.  (he finds this to be a bit of a killjoy.  I think it’s practical.  And entertaining.)

6) Hypothetical science fiction scenarios.  Ie. “What would the world be like if the genders were switched, but not the sexes?”  Also, the validity of hypothetical sci-fi scenarios.  (I say they’re all valid: they’re hypothetical.  He thinks that some are too implausible.)

7) The awesomeness of 30 Rock.  One of us does not appreciate the nuances of American humor. (Hint: the Finnish one.)

9) The protocol of watching a season of a show together.  We’ll watch the first five episodes together, a few days will pass, and when we want to watch it again, I’ll discover that he’s on episode 11, but “it doesn’t matter because you haven’t missed much.”

10) Whether there’s any point in him reading my blog.  He thinks that there’s no point, because he’s got “the real deal.”  I think he might be surprised at what he unearths.

**

And that’s it for today.

Oh, but this is cool: